OFF THE RECORD: President Trump Singlehandedly Delivers the Most Eyebrow-Raising G7 Trade Summit Ever

Chris Alto
OFF THE RECORD

After years of mundanity surrounding the G7 world trade summit – the once-a-year snore-fest where the six, or seven, (or eight) leaders of the West come together as frenemies to see who can pick each others’ pockets most stealthily – we were treated to perhaps the most entertaining piece of political theater the world has ever seen.

The excitement began when President Trump arrived. Last year, you’ll remember he made headlines over his ‘step aside‘ moment caught on camera. And you might also remember that – apart from the typical preening over ‘climate change’ initiatives like the Paris Accord (and the United States’ refusal to sign on) – the meeting came and went without much notice. Heck – even the protesters didn’t even bother to show up.

The reason why is simple enough: this was President Trump’s first visit, and I suspect he wanted to do two things: (1) Observe; and (2) Give our trading partners a chance to do the right thing on their own.

After all, that’s what friends do, right?

Well, it’s a year later, and President Trump has been very vocal – some might even say notorious! – about his positions on trade.

– America First
– Reciprocity
– Fair to all parties

Surely they knew what was coming … !

But alas, it seems not.

TRUMP: Oh – you mean you won’t lower the trade barriers to American goods?

G7 Leaders: No, and how dare you ask! Tariffs and trade wars they create are the worst – just like you! Also, shut up.

TRUMP: I see. *makes a note*

G7 Leaders: What’s that?

Trump: Just a few tariffs to get your attention. I would much prefer no tariffs at all – like I suggested. And yes, tariffs do made things more difficult… which is makes me I wonder why you continue to tariff us to the extraordinary extent you do.

G7: …

TRUMP: …

G7: …

TRUMP: Welp – it’s been swell, but I’ve got to go to Singapore.

G7: But what about our joint statement?

TRUMP: Nah – we’re good. Thanks anyway. See ya!

G7: *stunned silence*

We’ve all seen the tremendous image captured and then disseminated by the German delegation. You read that right! German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s own people took that picture, said to each other, ‘yeah – this one is perfect!,’ and then pushed it out via Instagram to the world, much to the amusement and delight of Americans from coast-to-coast.

In a word: GLORIOUS. Personally, I plan to print this on canvas, frame it, and hang it in my office.

Of course, the internet went wild with it, and soon several memes came along.

It was all over, we thought. There couldn’t possibly be any way to out-do this incredible life-imitating-art moment.

Then, from the back of the room…. “I’m soorry, but could you hold my Labatts?”

Yes, that’s right. Here came Prime Minister Justin “Little Potato” Trudeau, and he was in a temper. How dare President Trump confront him on his trade agenda! How dare he ask for tariffs to be removed, or be met with the same! How. DARE. He.

The fresh-faced Canadian was beyond umbrage. Past offended. He was literally sweating with indignation.

So Little P stepped up to the microphones and cameras to give Mr. Donald Trump a piece of his mind! Did anyone even try to stop him?? (Pro tip: they should have)

Because this happened:

And all across the globe, the world spoke with one voice: “DID JUSTIN TRUDEAU’S EYEBROW FALL OFF?”

Although answers were sparse, the analysis and reaction was swift…

Of course, we may never know the truth, but by golly – we should never stop searching for the answers.

Now, ONWARD to Singapore!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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